Friday, December 26, 2014

cheers. (throwback.)

September 19, 2011 at 10:36pm

[it's not a real mystery, see

i can't carry that casually,

and actually, i can't quite care]

i cant speak for everyone, but the time has already

come and gone when i grew sick

and tired of promises becoming loose ends

to be snipped and tied back and forgotten

amidst layers and layers of extra armor,

yours and mine, leather and feathers and

heavy metal plates. sagging, weighing,

dragging, pulling all the threads of fate




seams. . . .

we've all already grown weary with whispering,

laden with secrets and hinting at these very things,

that we won't take much more, but we're met with

smiling eyes as we raise our glasses to toast to the next


cheers to our loose change.

cheers to our ability to discern.

cheers to learning from our mistakes, time and time again.

cheers to ripping it all




seams . . .

and maybe we've all grown to love the way the patterns change,

the loose shapes vaguely reassembling into likenesses we can

understand and befriend, into caricatures of lovers and exes

and partners, to make amends, only to tear it all down again

and again with the lies we'd known we'd all tell since we started.

we should've made ourselves clearer. we should have sacrificed.

at least our cups are full.

cheers to spilling our fortune and fame.

cheers to the waste.

cheers to laughing it up and lying in the face of fate.


surviving the mind (throwback.)

surviving the mind
October 25, 2010 at 12:45am

i burned a crude effigy today,

in the lightless afternoon

no one attended, though to be fair

i admit it to not quite be the affair i'd intended.

i carried my concerns there with me, after shopping,

after strolling through the store and the park and eleven

miles of shit i've seen any other day i've been out,

near home.

i gripped them as though i'd never let them go,

though the purpose of taking them outside was to lose them,

lose myself without them amidst the greying daylight,

somewhere between the dim midday and the darkening afternoon,

drawing and dragging the cloak over the sun into the abyssal dusk.

i admit these, my concerns, to be very near to my only friends,

and as the near-colorless sun sets on us, we can weep together,

in darkness, and in cold, alone, where no one can see us and our sores,

where there is no hope of a new light to shine on us, just a copy of a copy

of one greyscale day after another.

again and again,

restless repetition

into the end.

i clutch them close, crushed quietly into my chest,

pressed there against the ribs, a rigid but hollow shell,

my husk.

because they are the only ones that can replace what it seems

i've been missing, what i've lost, or forgotten,

or never learned

since birth,

something that would mean we explain the journey down the aisles

between the bar stools.

something that would explain away the time it takes me to wind through

the tangles in your hair

before you've left.

before you go.

i carried all my concerns with me today to the fire,

to arrange them into the shape i imagine my heart to be,

to burn.

to watch it tremble, to watch it fade and wither

into ash

into my hands, after you you've left.

it's what we do.

again and again,

day after day.

tomorrow, i'll be leaving you all at home

Friday, December 19, 2014

west texas sun. (throwback)

west texas sun
January 17, 2011 at 11:13pm

if the sun dies out

if we're in the face

of the setting sun

the dying southern star

when it subsides, silently

when it glides into tonight forever,

i'll still be wishing i could be moving the warmth with you

along the longer fencelines

and lazy texas roads

wishing i could move the warmth with you

next to you.

wishing i could hold this long distance call

down every interstate i screamed nights upon nights

upon nights

into the open air for you

even before i'd ever seen your face

before i'd ever even heard your name.

now, it lines the horizons i tried to change for so long

the dying, breathing effervescence

of a light i'd come to sway with in the evening

when there was spring in the air

or a faded light i'd salute when my breath

was cold enough to hold up my face

to take the air and break, in

the leaving light of winter

the leaving light of always, nevertheless.

we're falling away from the holiday in this glow,

wishing, wandering, wondering,

where you are

so i could move this warmth to you

instead of sketching along brick walls

off gravel roads, drawing our graves

above the Texas dust to blow away

the West Texas Sun

the West Texas Sun

that setting sun that hitches down the interstate with us

never completely leaving us behind

what a heavy vanity to overcome

when we're taking this journey

cause i saw the sky

in you.

wolf. (throoooowback.)

July 28, 2010 at 7:47pm

was it from crying nights upon nights,
howling at the moon?
stretched out onto forelimbs, taloned fingers scraping ruddy earth
i still cried
though, i tried in all the ways not to perceive the fur
around me, consuming me, and the hunger
the way it quiets when you're nearer
and rages when i'm right with you.
still crying.

or, perhaps it was the moon i missed and
i was just howling for you
for lost quieting glances and strokes across
what used to be my brow
and is now a furled and confused distortion
of dancing, restless eyes and overhanging fur
above glistening fangs, tiny daggers held quietly inside lips
pursed because, after all
still crying.

so when im out again, when i can perhaps
stand the daylight, without you walking me
leash or no
without you by my side,
i'll listen

who was really crying.


Saturday, December 13, 2014

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

the light (throwback.)

the light
April 18, 2012 at 9:09pm

[you're always the first to say

the light you seek isn't there anymore.

your friends are paces away,

but they might as well just

be faces

in the dark.]

"it's getting late," she says, painting a face on a vacant stare glaring back at her from her bedroom mirror.

she frames her favorite parts and leaves the rest, alone, to the imagination.

she wanders the line her mind has drawn between her window and the door; one to the hall and one, ten stories to the street below. she lingers at the window, wondering, warmed. is there any other mode of egress?

she bears her heels down into the carpet, into her own footprints she knows would take her somewhere if she could ever leave her room.

she watches colors trace her hands, her strands of hair, as she turns in place.

"the way the glass is cut," she says.

and the lines she can retrace on her floor, on her face.

"the way the glass can cut," she says.

she lies across her rumpled sheets, drifting into deeper thought in the crystalline light of fusion crawling prismatically through the air, dreaming of solar radiation; of altitudes, and hypoxia.

asleep again,

and her dreams are always the same,

 in them,

she steels herself against rushing air,

in them, she is always falling.

when most people dream of falling,

they never hit the ground.

she does.

awake again, and late, and she's braced to feel the cool night air on her painted face. she crosses again to her portal

to the world, and leans out to breathe it in.

"just to feel the night," she says.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

30/30/30 Part 2

         Haha, it looks like it's going to be more difficult with a really strange schedule to accomplish this task - So maybe the thirty lists aren't going to be as consecutive as I'd originally intended, but don't despair - no, never - hold out for posterity. We're going to get this thing done, alright?

In my previous list post, I opted out of the tangle of possible intellectual property webs and just listed the names of songs - Here, I'll try to provide you with a link to the item, where practicable. Here goes.

       Here are 30 awesome short stories I think would be worth your time to read, even if you only read a couple, one a day, or whatever. In no particular order:

That's 30!

Friday, December 5, 2014

30/30/30, Part One.

   So, in effort to divert my mind from my traditional mental ramblings here, I have decided on a new project:
I'm going to make 30 lists of 30 things in 30 days. I apologize in advance to you OCD and math-oriented types, I really don't give a fuck that today is the 5th; December has 31 days anyways.

My first list is 30 songs that I think have pretty sweetasss breakdowns. Before you music-theory circlejerk participants get your panties in a bunch, I'm talking about an interlude, a cool bridge, just any sort of break or diversion from the regular structure of the song.
I'm including times for some, where I feel like the overall context of the song is unimportant. Otherwise, you know, listen to the fucking song and nod your head and shit. It's fun.
Here it goes, in no particular order:

  • 18 Visions - Vanity (around the 3:00 mark)
  • Thrice - To Awake and Avenge the Dead (around 2:15)
  • Zao - Free the Three (around 2:38 ... it's strange)
  • Norma Jean - Memphis Will be Laid to Waste (The whole song is a fucking breakdown.)
  • Blood Brothers - Love Rhymes with Hideous Car Wreck (Short enough where you can find it yourself.)
  • Heavy Heavy Low Low - Kids, Kids, Kids (The vocalist is insane, once again, short enough.)
  • Lamb of God - Vigil (Just listen.)
  • Pantera - Great Southern Trendkill (
  • Pantera - Domination (Double up here. These are not even my favorite Pantera songs, but shit!)
  • Red Fang - Prehistoric Dog (I don't know what it is about this one. Right at 2:22)
  • The Sword - Chronomancer I: Hubris (Do yourself a favor and check out the whole song before you judge the break. It feeds into an outro and they blend, but who gives a rat fuck?)
  • The Refused - Deadly Rhythm (Serious injustice if you don't give this one a through-listen.)
  • At the Drive-In - Catacombs (Bizarre, visceral, with some kind of easy magical groove.)
  • Chiodos - One Day, All Women Will Become Monsters - (Something about these high-pitched motherfuckers.)
  • Human Abstract - Mea Culpa (Uhm, why did they even bother with the first half of this song?)
  • Deftones - Root (Simple, hard, and tasty.)
  • Faith No More - Just a Man (Okay, maybe it's just fanboyism, but something about Mike Patton carrying out this weird bridge thing just does it. It starts around 3:00)
  • Poison the Well - Nerdy (Haha, this takes me back.)
  • Protest the Hero - (So many time changes, it's hard to pick out, but this one is whimsical as fuck!)
  • HORSE the Band - Murder (Listen through, also whimsical. MURDER)
  • letlive. - homeless jazz (interesting.)
  • Mastodon - The Wolf is Loose (Oh sweet fuck.)
  • Small Brown Bike - My Own Disaster 
  • Minus the Bear - Hey Wanna Throw Up, Get Me Naked
  • Hot Water Music - Jack of All Trades (Goodbye!)
  • Holly Springs Disaster - Showdown
  • Glassjaw - Piano
  • Dillinger Escape Plan - Room full of Eyes
  • Slayer - Raining Blood (Had to pay homage.)
  • Kvelertak - Blodtorst
If you have any cool breakdowns in mind, put them in the comments!